Welcome to Adobe GoLive 5

From Singapore, we crossed the equator and have entered the southern hemisphere. I've done that test where you look to see which way the water goes down the plug hole. I can confirm that it does go downwards, so no problems there.

It is winter here, but being in the tropics, that means it is just mildly hot - god knows what its like here in their summer.

We got a transfer by stretched limo from the Airport to the hotel - much to Andrew's delight. However the Hotel we book into isn't up to much.

We haven't got a voucher for our car hire. They give me the car, but it takes a few e-mails back to England to get it all sorted. Why in this connected world, do they need a slip of paper to prove I've paid for a car?

We explore the local deserted beach. The tide is out, and the uncovered flats are sticky and muddy, this is effectively an estuary after all. Andrew is looking for shells to take home - Bales wants a shell or a stone from every beach. I find him a nice cone shaped one. Its only later that I find out that normally the cone shell resident is a highly poisonous and vicious animal that will pop out and sting you if you disturb him. Even shell collecting is a dangerous sport here!

In the sea they have very poisonous 'Stinger' jelly fish, that can mean a trip to hospital and scaring if you get caught. They put up nets, people wear lycra suits and this is not the right time of year for them. Never the less, all the locals keep out of the sea and congregate in a huge man made lagoon near the towns marina. Street entertainers ply their trade here and we lay back into the Ausie lifestyle - well, we have a big Mac on the sea front anyway.

Today, our first visit out to the barrier reef. We choose a smaller sailing boat to take us out. A lovely boat, but prone to letting us know about every wave and ripple. Pretty soon, all passengers are looking very green.The only cure - to dive in and let the wonders of the barrier reef wash it all away. There's, fish, coral and lots of water out there. Coming back, some of the Japanese tourists on board start calling for Huey and Rolf into a big bucket. Funny how some names get so easily translated into other languages.

What I want to know, is why a certain myth keeps getting retold. Our Reef guide tells us that the Coral Reef is "the largest organism on earth - its even seen from space". Well, sorry to burst your bubble. The reef is, in fact, a collection of reefs and is not a single 'barrier'. It is also not a single organism, but many and varied. Surely the rain forests hold a better claim to " the largest organism on earth", most definitely viewable from space. Not wanting to get on the wrong side of our dive master - I dont quite get round to pointing out the error of his ways.

That night driving into town, we spot a Greek restaurant that looks very busy - a good sign. Not much parking round here, a good sign. Then, a street nearby with plenty of places. We park next to a 4WD that is absolutely covered in Bird ShiT. How long has that been there? Why don't the locals look after their cars? I find a sign warning of the birds roosting in the trees above, not a good sign. Ar well, we'll only be here two hours.

We order a selection of meze and dips, which were marvelous. The restaurant owner was determined to prove his Greek heritage. This he did by walking in with a pile of plates in his arms and proceeding to throw them across the restaurant with a satisfying SMASH on the stone slab floor. Of course, we took this for granted, but had to hold Andrew and David back from demolishing our place settings. The young waitress obviously had an eye for David, but somehow I had to do all the chatting up for him - smooth talkin' bastard that I am. I think I was about to award this place the 'one of the best restaurants I've ever been in' award, but just as I was about to make this public, I caught sight through the kitchen door, of one of the chefs dropping a pan of something noodle like on the floor, calmly scoop it back in, carry on cooking it and then just throw a baking tray over the remnants. Authentic Greek I guess.

Returning to our car it was COVERED in Shit. Oh. I bet the car company gets this all the time. Cheap parking and they get to clean it all off. I hope it rains tonight.

Queensland has large areas of tropical rainforest, and the great divide mountain range. Both of these are right on our doorstep. In the 19th century, with the roads into the mountains (there's gold in them thar hills) being regularly washed away with floods, the locals decided to build a railway through the mountains to stop themselves being cut off in the wet season. 10 years, 25 lives and a lot of swearin an a cussin, they built a marvelous scenic railway. Gangs of men, Italians and Irish mostly, fought of landslides, malaria and even plague to pick and blast through the rock. If they knew that all their labours would end up with a load of tourists using it to as a mobile picture taking platform, they might not of bothered. It passes through the side of a gorge, over bridges and through tunnels. To add insult to these guy's memory, they have now put up a cable car that skims over the rainforest treetops, that takes you back down to the coast in virtually a straight line. Took a year to build and somebody might have stubbed a toe doing it.

Also met an extraordinary nutter who went round doing remarkably realistic kookaburra and farmyard impressions. He took particular delight in hiding in the bushes, making a sound like a distressed pig. Just glad I didn't have to sit next to him on the train.

That evening we found out that we should have been checked out TODAY, not tomorrow. Oops. Our stuff had all been thrown in a pile in one room, and we could be late to book in at our next hotel. Mad rush, panic, pack. Into car, whiz up the coast to Port Douglas. This hotels much nicer. We've got a balcony with views over a lily pond!

While writing this, I casually asked Andrew where the cone shell that we found earlier is. He said it was in the car. When we next went to the car I was curious to see wether it had still got its vicious resident. Well, in the couple of days that it sat in the car, the shell's occupant had crawled out and shrivelled up in the door pocket! It was a live one, and me and Andrew had been handling it!! This thing looked like the creature out of Alien (but a bit smaller), if it had decided to have a go at us, one of us would have been very ill indeed. This country is DANGEROUS. No big predators, but loads of little blighters all waiting to have a go.

Its a '5-minute' walk from our hotel to the local beach. Through a palm tree lined track. This opened up into the most marvellous palm tree lined sandy beach. Its a shame that you cant trust the water.

Andrew is mad keen on doing some Quad-biking. So this afternoon, off we go. The going is dry and dusty, over a route carved into the side of a mountainous forest. Unfortunately for Andrew, his age means he is put into one of the slower groups. He is thoroughly fed up pottering along when he wants to be up with the rest of us. I convince the leaders to let him join a faster group, which was much better.

I was in the 'nutter' group (a select band of 4). Wow. This is far better than any fairground ride. Hurtling through forests at full speed, power sliding , narrowly missing those pesky trees that jump out when you don't expect. Complete brown out (cant see a thing for dust), hurtling along anyway...., up and down impossible slopes and going over on two wheels round some of the tarmac sections - yeee haaaa. We wore surgeons masks to keep the dust out of our lungs. But that dust got EVERYWHERE. I was brown, head to foot, but had a big cheesy grin permanently planted in my filthy face. The best 'adrenaline experience' of the holiday so far - for me anyway.

Out to see the reef again. Our previous trip was to the inner reef. The sailing boat would have taken ages to get to the outer reef. So this time we sailed on an impressive catermaran (twin hull and emu). This still let us know that we were at sea, and Andrew got to use one of the special souvenir biodegradable puke bags. Fill em up and chuck them overboard- the fishes love 'em.

This part of the reef was much more impressive. Clearer water, better coral and more fish. A hump back whale, and even a shark or two! We even found Nemo hiding in some anemones.

We were entertained on the way back to land by a guy who was SO ill that he preferred sitting at the back of the boat , filling bags up (Bio-degradable) and getting drenched by the wind thrown spay from the waves. The bags where supposed to be thrown over, but he just sat there in his misery, letting the half full bag get soaked, till it split and emptied the contents on the deck. Domino like, (lemming like?), some of the other passengers made a grab for their bags.....all very messy! Andrew has vowed never to go on a boat trip again.

Headed up to the hills, to explore the rain forest on foot. There's a river carved, boulder lettered gorge in the mountains with a trail winding between impressive trees laced with hanging vines and ???phylitic plants - air plants. And what makes our day? Some native turkey like bird that has trained the tourists to feed it. I get down low to film it, and it decides that its appearance fee is a big peck out of the ice cream in my other hand. Cheeky bustard.

We've a very early flight out to Sydney - we gonna have to wake up at 4:00 to catch it. Double Ugh.